I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
