Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
