Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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