problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
