why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
