I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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