You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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