i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.