I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?