I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
