Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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