Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
