Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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