So drunk its hurt
someone threw a dead crab at me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
