how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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