It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
