i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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