Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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