Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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