I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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