i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
