lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
