You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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