I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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