he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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