He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
