STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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