i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
