Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
