My balls are so social today.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
