Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
