We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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