the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
