Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
