just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
