Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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