did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
