He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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