meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
