i think my mom watched the whole time
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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