mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
