i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
