I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
