You really coming over, don't trick.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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