do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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