He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
