I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
