you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
