I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The ass gains better be worth it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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