not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
