nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
