i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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