I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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