um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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