another moral hangover. fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
