Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
