Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
