No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
