You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
