grandma shit on top of the toilet
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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