just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
