he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
