Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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