there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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