sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
