apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
