She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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