This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
