i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
