rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
