hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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