ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
