every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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