Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
