i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
