just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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