Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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