party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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