What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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