good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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