Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A+ Viking dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
