why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
