Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
